Step 3: Communicate With Gentle Presence
Instead of: “He’s in a better place.”
Try: “I’m so sorry. I’m here with you.”
Ask open-ended questions: “Would you like to sit together?” or “Can I tell you what I loved about [name]?”
Listen more than you speak. Silence is okay.
Step 4: Offer Practical Help (Without Being Asked)
Grieving people rarely ask—but they always need.
Refill his water. Bring a warm tea.
Handle logistics: direct visitors, manage flowers, coordinate with funeral staff.
Shield him from overwhelming interactions: “Let me take this for you.”
Step 5: Provide Emotional Anchoring
Sometimes, the greatest gift is quiet companionship.
Sit beside him. No words needed.
A hand on his shoulder, a nod, a shared tear—these speak louder than advice.
Give him permission to not be okay: “It’s alright to fall apart. I’ve got you.”
Step 6: Foster Connection Through Memory
Invite others to share specific stories: “Remember when he taught us to fish?”
Encourage children or grandchildren to draw pictures or place notes in the casket.
Create a memory table where people can leave written messages.
Step 7: Honor Rituals with Respect
Follow family traditions—whether religious, cultural, or personal.
If he’s unsure of protocol, gently guide him: “The priest will lead us in prayer next—would you like to stand with me?”
Never rush him through moments of silence or tears.
Step 8: Protect Him From Overstimulation
Wakes can be emotionally exhausting. Watch for signs of overload:
Glassy eyes, fidgeting, withdrawal
Shortness of breath or dizziness
🕊️ Intervene gently: “Let’s step outside for five minutes. Just you and me.”
After the Wake: Continue Showing Up
Grief doesn’t end when the guests leave. In the weeks ahead:
Text him: “Thinking of you today.”
Drop off a meal.
Invite him for a walk—no pressure to talk.
Remember birthdays, anniversaries, and “firsts” without the loved one.
Final Thought
You don’t need to fix his pain.
You just need to bear witness to it.
In a world that rushes past grief, your steady presence is a lifeline.
“To mourn with someone is to say: ‘Your love mattered. Your loss matters. You are not alone.’”
Have you supported someone through a wake? What helped most? Share your wisdom below—we’re all learning to hold space for one another. 💛
